The Ultimate Frustration: Why Seeking Others' Approval At Work, Job Interviews Or In Life Backfires (And How to Free Yourself)
Whether it's landing a new job, impressing a romantic partner, or earning respect from colleagues, so much of our striving stems from an innate craving - the need for approval and acceptance from others. We spend staggering amounts of energy meticulously pruning our personalities and achievements to fit an imagined ideal. All in hopes of finally feeling worthy in the eyes of those we admire, those in power, or those whose esteem we covet.
Yet for all this obsessive people-pleasing, the validation we desperately want still feels just out of reach. No matter how hard we try, no matter what hoops we jump through, that elusive "attagirl" or "way to go" feels fleeting if it ever arrives. We're left doubting ourselves, feeling inexplicably inadequate, and utterly drained from the unyielding treadmill of prescribed perfectionism.
What if I told you this entire paradigm of subjugating your brilliance and contorting yourself to garner acceptance is not only profoundly disempowered - but its own biggest obstacle to experiencing the appreciation you crave? That in seeking others' approvals at all costs, you relinquish your core energy sovereignty, ensuring those very acceptance goals stay perpetually a footstep away.
The Paradox of Approval-Seeking
On one hand, the human longing for belonging, inclusion, and mattering to others is beautifully natural. We're wired for connection and finding our place among proximate tribes. You could say our neurological hardware is encoded to acquire stamps of approval - those dopamine-laced strokes of praise, credentials, promotions, and acceptance by perceived gatekeepers.
Where things go pear-shaped is in the codependent equation we've inherited for achieving those approvals. Somewhere along the way, we adopted belief systems scandalizingly enmeshed with shame and deficiency. We've internalized that who we inherently are isn't enough. That genuine acceptance hinges upon incessantly modeling ourselves into idealized shapes, eschewing our idiosyncrasies and molding our personal power into pleasing performances just saccharine enough to garner the next gold sticker or performance review.
Here's the issue - the more you truncate and abandon your authenticity in frantic pursuit of validations, the dimmer your personal power shines. At first, scrubbing away parts of yourself for acceptability may curry some conditional forms of approval. Ego's receive their fix in flashes of praise or accomplishments. But at your core energetic essence, an existential disconnect opens up between how you're presenting and who you naturally are.
This chasm is what perpetuates the cycle of people-pleasing furthering feelings of inadequacy. Sure, specific behaviors and credentials are validated. But your true Self - that core spark of authenticity - remains fundamentally unseen and profoundly unmet.
And since the universe abhors inauthenticity and delights in expressing every beings' singularity, your demurring acquiescence to fit in prevents you from ever vibrationally upshifting into the self-actualization zone you crave. By energetically giving your power away in pursuit of approvals, you're inevitably met with more lack, rejection, and conditional acceptance reinforcing your deficiencies.
The Path of Sovereign Radiance
The emancipating truth? No matter how much you achieve or what masks you ceramoniously don to "fit in", no amount of external validation will ever untether you from feelings of inadequacy. You'll just keep hopping to new finish lines like a hamster on a wheel, seeking those next elastic approvals until you wear yourself out.
But what if you never needed anyone's approval, credential, or acceptance in the first place? What if your vibrant authenticity was not just enough, but vibrationally coded to become an energetic lodestar attracting admirers, dream roles, and supportive relationships into your orbit?
This is the open secret of the most audaciously self-actualized humans throughout history. They tapped into an unshakeable core resonance anchored in their uniqueness's brilliance and gave zero squats what others thought.
Their validation came from self-sourced sovereignty, not checking boxes or hustling for conditional likes. By utterly inhabiting their truth and creative sparks without apology or mitigation, they interwove into this universe's harmonic perfection, becoming awe-inspiring emanations of their essences.
Now you may be thinking - "sure, but Job X requires skill Y" or "I can't just disregard social norms and standards of presentation." And you'd be absolutely right. There's nothing inauthentic about acquiring skills or expressing yourself with care and discernment. The path isn't abandoningf excellence, but achieving it from your core vibration outward, not through shape-shifting your way into others' preferences. It's about unapologetically being who you are at your best, then enhancing those talents and charisma without tether to approval-seeking. When you radiate your untrammeled essence, you become a gravitational locus drawing all you desire directly into your experience.
No More Chopping Yourself into Acceptability
So on a practical level, how do you step into full energetic autonomy? It starts with pinpointing all the ways you're fracturing your authenticity to seek others' validations. Notice where your focus is predominantly targeted outward on:
- Constructing personalities or self-censoring to fit in
- Overworking to prove yourself worthy of inclusion
- Repressing natural idiosyncracies or quirks
- Neglecting passions and interests to "stay humble"
- Code-switching communication styles to appease different groups
- Contorting your body, grooming or presence to fit idealized norms
- And perhaps most detrimentally, constantly ruminating on your inadequacies
Once you bring conscious awareness to all the ways you've been fragmenting your brilliance into bite-sized, culturally-approved pieces, you can begin taking shares of yourself off that sacrificial approval altar, one slice at a time.
The process requires tenderness, self-compassion, and non-judgmental witnessing. You've developed these exquisite coping strategies by being repeatedly traumatized into hiding the better parts of yourself to appease the world. You're not "wrong" or shameful for accumulating these habits - just ready for an empowerment upgrade.
Next comes the deeper inner work of not just allowing, but brazenly celebrating your uniqueness, quirks and all. This comes through profound acts of self-love - consciously embodying the truth that you're a geniune emanation of Source energy, lacking nothing and requiring no amendments to belong and be embraced by the universe. You shift from surface tactics of pleasing to cultivating root-level resonance of self-cherishing.
With that new vibrational patterning, you'll finally be able to show up authentically yet tactfully. You'll learn to advocate for yourself, but from an energy of congruent self-assuredness rather than desperation. You'll discerningly conform to etiquettes and expectations, but on your terms from autonomy rather than expendable appeasement.
What Self-Acceptance Summons
As you habituate more into this sovereign resonance, an incredible phenomenon occurs. Suddenly, the very things you once chased through self-abandonment begin gracefully orbiting around your authentic presence.
The job opportunities, appreciation, inspiring partnerships and communities you obsessively contorted yourself to achieve materialize when you drop that entire paradigm. It's as if the universe itself begins reflecting back the self-esteem, self-love, and self-perceived worthiness you've embodied.
These manifestations arrive not from arduous personal-pruning or frantic sprints on approval-seeking treadmills. But because you've realigned to your inherent energetic frequency - coming into coherence with your intrinsic belonging. When you vibrate at that natural level, all you've been codependently pursuing has no choice but to find you, sans strings or hoop-jumping attached.
Do the Inner Work to Embody Your Radiance
If this all sounds intriguing yet nebulous, that's because reclaiming full energy sovereignty takes immersive inner work to accomplish. That's precisely why I offer complimentary 30-minute coaching sessions to experience this vibration shift firsthand - you can book your free session over at: www.expertinfluencepro.com.
During our time together, we'll co-create a safe space for parts of you to emerge that may have been suppressed through societal conditioning. We'll use resonant language techniques and vibrational exercises to begin attracting you into coherence with the truest, most magnetic essence of you.
Because here's what I've witnessed through these sessions time and again - when you stop hustling for others' permissions and completely realign with the fullest energy of your Self, life restructures around you in miraculous ways.
Roadblocks dissolve, opportunities flow in effortlessly, and you finally experience being appreciated, celebrated, and included for no other reason than vibrantly being you. No more tedious hoops or walk-on-eggshells accommodations. Just a homecoming to your unbridled truth becoming a luminous attractor force. Job offers start pouring in, personal relationships improve, health and wellness expands. Overall, many of my clients report a great satisfaction and sense of alignment in their lives, where previously there was little to none.
The path isn't always straight - there's residual conditioning and cognitive loops to disentangle. Yet this rigorous inner work births you into a sovereign experience of this life. One where you're perpetually nourished and supported, not because you spent years eroding your essence into an idealized checklist, but for the simple fact that you dared to show up as your dazzling, authentic Self.
In these awakened resonances, you realize the greatest permission was always your own. That the only approval you truly require is the radical acceptance of honoring your unique brilliance. As you vibrate this self-cherishing resonance, the entirety of your desired reality effortlessly orients around you in sacred purchase.
So if you're ready to be liberated from that constant, draining hustle chasing others' acceptance, start by exploring an online session with me. Within our space, we'll lay the groundwork for you to begin relating to yourself, others, and every opportunity from that generative space of energetic autonomy. Where you're enough, you're worthy, and anything is possible - not through jumping through hoops, but by steadfastly being you.
Start by booking a complimentary 30 minute session to experience these perspective shifts for yourself firsthand. www.expertinfluencepro.com I also conduct group, corporate, sessions for multinational companies seeking to have better alignment within their teams.
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